é da un casino che non scrivo..ma dentro la mia testa ho scritto un libro in questi giorni.
Facendola breve...hanno messo una data di scadenza alla vita di colui che mi ha creato e hanno deciso che non potrà far altro worse for me .. so .. for him .. for my mom .. I must be strong
Well .. I was done a wonderful gift for my 23 years. I was told that I will remain an orphan, that my father will not even his garden because of his illness that "gallops" .. this beautiful horse that has crushed the spine and I forced him to bed.
All these I have known over the phone .. two Mondays ago.
My father last month has begun to experience severe pain in the back .. and then had to do before the rays .. .. then a CAT scan that said he had a fracture .. beautiful friday I remember with great pleasure (hours at work to remove nn .. never look the cell waiting for news) and hours in the emergency room to wait for a result that was negative and then positive .. ..
returned home with a beautiful corset .. the doctor ordered to make an immediate resonance and scintigraphy book these exams .. ok ..
the following Wednesday I go to do this test Trevor x escluedere a bone metastasis. we arrive at 8 am and expect the nurse to inject the radioactive liquid to my father .. that's "light" bones from there to three hours and then tell us .. ndi return by noon .. I do not know .. every time I Captain these wait .. I can not help but think .. who are the worst moment of my life ..
3 hours after my father enter the car .. and it is bone scan ... and after 20 minutes in the lobby of the primary anxiety is calling me to tell me that there are no fractures, but nothing bad .. I begin to jump like a rabbit too happy .. sn .. and my dad crying with happiness all the way back ..
but went home .. .. nn can almost get the left leg is always sleeping over .. and he can almost get up nn .. in the meantime, the night before I noticed that in my suffering well incontinence ..
next Friday .. My mother implored the chief of neurology to look at it .. he says that nn has until the end of November .. my mom starts to cry (let's talk about) .. and he strangely found a hole for the next day. Same die .. same .. same anxiety touching the fingers of death all the time and games to finish .. nn nn very willing to talk .. .. want to hear to get in a world that still .. nn can move up to yet another medical report .. anxiety .. after 40 minutes
the doctor says Nos is injured .. I throw a bone sigh of relief and watch my dad in me .. do somersaults
go home .. still difficult to stand on his legs .. even nn stands just ...
the following Monday for the last post .. probably .. I get the mex to my mom .. my father fall back from the water collapsed twice .. nn is based more in piedi.Da that day would never walk again. .
I understand that there are cocks and that I must give up everything .. work .. one .. because my father needs me
Bs oncologist on Tuesday I go to Lorraine and .. I explain the situation .. she scares me that is just right .. nn that the bone is definitely involved and that it is a mess .. I said this book yet another diagnostic test: the dreaded MRI.
Thursday as the performance No longer is the patient's best .. I have to take off my six o'clock and go to bs with the volunteers of the Red Cross (sti € cocks .. 85 .. in the face of the volunteers) and after that I did do this crazy I remain concerned in word with your doctor .. it tells me that this afternoon I will know ..
Thursday morning and by that I live in an aquarium .. .. .. waiting for an answer that will not arrive before Monday at 4 ... when the oncologist tells me that the horse is a disease that is killing my father .. and I have to send him to hospice for MT .. I begged to tell me a date .. but she says she can not do it ..
From that day on, I'm trying to respect the decision not to send him to die in a place that has a name aseptic cool but actually is a house of death. But this decision and the courage (so courageous choice by explaining the Lorraine) were taken in exchange for my life, my thoughtlessness .. okay, like the disease has made 12 July 2006.
Sometimes I wonder why this pain .. I am not convinced that it is right to suffer for a prize in the afterlife .. I'm an advocate of the thought that we have one life .. and that would be just enjoy it ..
Once I appeal to God and to myself I tried to behave myself because I thought that being good and just maybe .. .. would repay la mia rettitudine dimostrandomi che in me credeva e che voleva che io fossi felice..tante volte mi sono appellata a questo dio..e come dice il proverbio evidentemtne non c'è peggior sordo di chi nn vuol sentire..e allora ho deciso che è inutile appellarsi a lui..perchè ha deciso da solo che il nostro rapporto si è chiuso.
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